Irritation Nation – Male Body Spray

Strange topic for a Monday. It started with an incident at a restaurant on Friday night, and I’ve really tried to let it go. Really.

It harkens back to the recently celebrated milestone birthday. One of the gifts was a gift card to a fabulous eatery. Reservations were made, and before you know it, there we were sitting on our lovely banquette. Grinning at the pristine white table cloth, linen napkins in our laps, both of us working very hard to be ‘proper’ (not the uncivilized heathens we are most of the time) and trying to keep our elbows off the table so as not to offend the elegantly suited waiter.

I’d only started sipping my ice cold martini when a lovely family is seated next to us. Not close mind you, but at the next table. With a very handsome teenager in tow. It was clear he didn’t want to be there, but he does get props for working very hard to keep the ‘tude in check. Unfortunately I can’t say the same for his cologne. It wafted in with him, and proceeded to make itself at home with us. And there is no doubt it belonged to him because every time he passed us to go, to the loo, outside to smoke, to make a phone call, who knows this time, the smell became even stronger and then receded as he did.

Nothing like eating a fabulous designer meal, overlaid with the smell of don’t-you-think-I’m-sexy.

Now a guy who smells just right is a hot item, no doubt about it. But the smell should be enticing. It should make you want to step in closer and investigate. Thoroughly. It shouldn’t hit you in the face like a bat from ten feet away.

Dudes. Ease up on the vat of eau-de-clean after the shower, ‘kay? Soap, clean clothes, and just a hint of spray will do it. Having one son and two step-sons who’ve made it through their teen years has proven my research. None of them have trouble getting dates. I know of what I speak, young padawan.

I mean surely, you know that the chicks throwing themselves on the guy in the commercial were paid to do that right? If you’re not handing out the bucks, or a celebrity, they’re not waiting in line to jump you.

And if you’re still hanging on to the fantasy of whatever the girl of your dreams wants to do to you, (something brought on by the smell, no doubt), man, a girls got to be able to breathe to do most of them.

Guys, you can rock a girl’s world. I believe in you. Just stop trying to do it through her nose.